After my recent knee explosion and successive repair surgery, entertaining a 3 year old and an 8 month old while unable to move has been….well….the bane of my existence. 

The infant is at that developmental stage where he is physically unable to sit still. You can’t hold him because you will just end up panicking when he “alligator death rolls” right out of your jello-y, post surgery arms. And God knows he’s pissed off all of the time because he can’t quite crawl, but he sure can scoot around just enough to manage to pull himself on top of the dog and rip out a giant, fat fist full of black lab hair and shove it in to his gaping baby face before you can hobble your body over to stop the madness. And don’t even try to put him in a jumperoo or bouncer so that you can elevate and ice that Edward Scissorhands knee, we all know he will just turn on his psycho and scream until his baby blues pop right out of his tiny skull. And he will continue to sound like a dying Ewok until you pick his squishy body up and continue the “how many times can I make Mom drop me?” game.

But aside from losing my s*** on an hourly basis and collapsing on the stairs in a heaping pile of soggy, injured human, I HAVE been mildly entertained with the weirdness of my threenager. Despite the fact that she is a petite, compact ball of non-stop energy that needs harnessed most of the time, she has been a nice little comedic relief for my copious amounts of downtime. And according to her, I need to sit down and rest my B-Bisquits (aka ‘meniscus’, for those of you that have a dirty mind and don’t speak fluent Everlee).Yes, sometimes I want to lock her in the basement until she apologizes for mooning the lawn care man (I said WANT, people), but lately I have just decided that my energy level is too low and laughter is the best medicine.

So, I present to you, Everlee’s new favorite post-op game. It’s called “HEY! Watch this!” The following scenarios all took place within the first 2 hours of starting off this fine Monday morning:

-“HEY! Watch this!” As Ev sprints across the living room, kicks the toy right out of Leyton’s hands, throws her hands in the air and yells “GOOAAALLL!”

-“HEY! Watch this!” ( as she proceeds to sing to the tune of ‘Who Let the Dogs Out?’) “Who let the teeth out? Chomp…chomp chomp chomp. Who let the tongue out? Lick..lick lick lick…” (licks the window)

-“HEY! Watch this!” As Everlee shoves her entire face in a bowl and proceeds to motorboat the cut strawberries…

-“HEY! Watch this!” (insert Rock n’ Roll Ninja dance moves)

-As Everlee is sitting on the toilet:  “HEY! Watch this!” she then proceeds to close her eyes, poop, then quickly open her eyes to reveal one eye completely crossed.

-“HEY! Watch this!” (She then pets the top of Leyton’s head) “Good dog,”

-“HEY! Watch this!” As she spins around in circles, jumps her feet far apart, clenches her fists and growls.

-“HEY! Watch this!” She then puts a diaper on her head and proclaims: “Look! I’m a butthead!”

-“HEY! Watch this!” As she works really hard to shove an entire chocolate muffin in to her mouth. She succeeds. Then smiles.

-“HEY! Watch this! BUTTCRACK HANGING OUT!”

-“HEY! Watch this!” (As she slides down the staircase. Backwards. In a laundry basket)

-“HEY! Watch this!” (As she knocks on the window as hard as she can until the neighbor looks over at her) “Go away, neighbor! I’m not home!”

-“HEY! Watch this! I’m gonna heal your stitchies with the magic power of my hands!”

-“HEY! Watch this!” (As she lays on Cosmo, the 110 lb Labrador) “Giddy Up, you old fart!”

-“HEY! Watch this!” (As she grabs the stuffed bear out of Leyton’s hands and punches it square in the nose)

-“HEY! Watch this!” (As she runs across the room as fast as she can, smacks face first in to the wall, and collapses on the floor) “So long, Sucker…”

-“HEY! Watch this!”

I rest my case….