You don’t have to repeat it, I heard you the first time. I heard your partner loud and clear the FIRST time you both decided you were better parents to my child than I am. But I must admit, hearing you agree with him and repeat it LOUDLY really magnified my frustration and you are lucky that I kept my boisterous mouth shut because I am sure you did not come to Adventure Bay to be publicly put in your place in front of hundreds of people just like I did not go there to be snarked at about my parenting choices. But since I just can not shake the irritation that set over me when you decided that you knew how to better parent my child, I am going to give you a little explanation in hopes that you, or other people that unfortunately behave like you, will read this and think twice about speaking up the next time they witness what appears to be ‘bad parenting’.

First of all, what you witnessed was a threenager in the deep throes of her 9,000th temper tantrum since we arrived. You CLEARLY must have assumed that this was my “sweet, perfect, innocent” child’s way of expressing her immediate life or death needs to a mother AND father who were clearly evil, child-abusing heathens. So when you saw two parents ‘forcing’ their child to swim in the lazy river against her all-abiding wishes, you decided that the VERY HELPFUL comment of “Oh my God. Really? Don’t force her to be in here. Just put her in the pool!” would be the perfect way to change our evil ways. Your snark would truly be the lightbulb that our terrible minds needed so that we could be better parents. Well, let me clarify why that theory is complete bull**** and your comment sucked:

We WERE in the pool. We were in every single freaking pool that this very large waterpark has to offer. Not only did we take her to those pools, she ASKED to go to each and every one of them (and she wasn’t asking nicely, mind you. Demanding would have been a better word to use). And we obliged. When she said ‘Let’s go to the wave pool!”, we went. When she said “Let’s go to the pirate pool!” we went. When she said “Let’s go to the splash pad!” we went. So against your theory, we did EXACTLY what our child wanted. And guess what? My little sweetie threw a terrential fit in EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Maybe she wanted to take french fries in the pool? Maybe she asked for a pretzel but then when someone else had chips, she refused her pretzel and demanded their chips? Maybe she wanted her water shoes off and then when we took them off, she screamed that we took them off? Maybe she asked to go to the wave pool and once we got there she cried because there were waves? Maybe the water was too cold? Maybe the water was too hot? Maybe we laughed too loudly? Maybe we suggested she go down a slide? Maybe she was un-pleaseable just being a complete and total NUTBALL (newsflash: she was). There wasn’t one location that she didn’t turn on her psycho and get demanding and snotty, thus forcing her ‘evil parents’ to correct her nasty behavior. So “just taking her to the pool” clearly was not the winning parenting decision.

And what you also don’t know is that my perfect little pumpkin had just asked us to go to the lazy river. That’s right, she CHOSE to go to that very location where you decided we were ‘forcing’ her to be. And you want to know why she was crying and whining? Not because we took her there, but because she wanted me to give YET ANOTHER dolphin ride on my back. (Sidenote: she had already had close to 70 of those precious dolphin rides). I know, I know, you are probably now changing your tune and thinking “Well, gosh, just be a fun parent and give her another dolphin ride, then! 70 is not enough!” But shut it, Judgey Jeanette, because you also don’t know that I just had knee surgery a few weeks ago and giving those PRECIOUS FREAKING DOLPHIN RIDES hurts my leg like a motha trucker. So, against your “great parenting advice”, I am going to tell my sweet little love nugget “NO.” That’s right, I’m going to tell her (gasp) “NO.” And thus ensues the toddler meltdown that you so briefly witnessed and formed an opinion about. And instead of me giving in to her every single irrational demand (because Lord knows nothing was pleasing her anyway), I am going to allow her to cry this time and keep her in the very attraction that she ASKED to be in (for the second time, mind you). I am also going to carry on my adult conversation with my husband and sister so as not to give this behavior any more attention than I already have. And you know what else? I’M SIPPING ON AN ADULT BEVERAGE. That’s right, there is alcohol in this cup. After our precious daughter’s sh***y behavior towards the two adults that provided her this opportunity for fun and who paid for her 10th souvenir, I am going to take a moment to relax and try to forget that she’s being a total ass. And I don’t feel even a little bit bad about that, either.

Now, I don’t know if you have kids. Or nephews. Or nieces. Or run a daycare. Or have any exposure at all to children on a day to day basis, but I am secretly hoping that you don’t. Because that is the only logical reason that my EVIL MOM MIND can come up with as to why you felt the need to give ME rude advice on how to handle my misbehaving preschooler. That you simply don’t know any better. You know what would have been more helpful then criticizing ME? Looking my daughter straight in the eye and telling HER that her parents know best. Correct my out-of-line daughter, not the one person that knows her better than anyone and is helping to raise her to be a decent human being. Or better yet? JUST DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Yep, I like that option. SHUT IT, Martyr Margie, you have no idea.

And if you DO have children, then I would hope that you, too, have eventually said “enough is enough” and told them NO. And if you did, then you surely came across a temper tantrum or two. And you surely would have the experience to know that, yes, sometimes, it’s better for them if you say “NO” and let them throw that fit. It may not be the easier option as parents, but it’s better for our kids. They need to learn that they don’t get their way all the time. Or maybe you are that mom that never says no. Ever. Fine, I won’t judge you or send over snarky comments that are not helpful. You do you, boo.But that is not me. I am not in the business of being my daughter’s friend. I am not in the business of allowing our country to have a generation of entitled future adults that have no respect for their parents and think that the world revolves around their every request. What I AM in the business of is raising a child that can be respectful, selfless, helpful, and grateful for what she has. It’s my job to make sure that I don’t provide the world with another a**hole. And if I had heeded your advice and “just taken her to the pool” (yet again, remember?) then that is exactly what we would have. Another entitled a**hole kid for the world to deal with.

What you are never going to see me do is stand by and give unwanted, unsolicited advice to strangers on how to raise their child. I am never going to assume that I know what they are dealing with and feel that I can do a better job. What you WILL see me do is mentally applaud a parent that is dealing with an upset child. I may even mutter a “You go, Mama” as they walk by because encouragement to other parents is important. And, unless this parent is physically beating their child and I have to call 911, then yes, I am going to assume that the parent is correct in that situation instead of a 3 year old child. Would you let a 3 year old vote or make major life decisions? No. You wouldn’t. Because THEY ARE EFFING THREE YEARS OLD. They eat their own boogers, for pete’s sake. So why would you take their side over their parent? So I leave you with this: I am sorry that my daughter cried and interrupted 2 minutes of your precious lazy river time. (I am also choosing to ignore the fact that you were STANDING STILL in the lazy river, judging people as they walked by. The lazy river is FOR MOVIN’ ALONG DOWN THE RIVER. Maybe you should just take yourselves to the pool? But I digress…) But I am not sorry that I am taking the difficult road to raising a decent human being. And for that, you’re welcome.